Mastering Negotiation: Top 10 Secrets to Success

#1 Likability

How do women face the double-bind of likability? Be likable enough that they want to work with you but not so likable that they want to take advantage of you. A common mistake in negotiation is giving the other party everything they want, in order to be liked. That’s a recipe for making them ask for more. And if they don’t get it? Then come the tantrums. Likability should be established before negotiations start, not during. Instead of giving in to their demands, spend a few minutes at the beginning of the conversation to build likability through similarities, genuine compliments, and cooperative and curious language. These are the factors that will make them want to work with you vs against you.

#2 Recognize Your Power

Most negotiators focus on the power the other party brings, dismissing their own out of fear. Remember, they’re talking to you because they need something from you: your knowledge, your resources, or maybe just your interest. Get in the mindset that you deserve their attention and they want to hear what you have to say for a reason. Once your brain is in the zone your words will follow.

#3 Ask Questions

Information is power. The more you know, the more power you have. Ask questions to gather valuable information and manage conflict. Avoid yes/no questions—they’re dead ends. Instead, ask how/what questions that get them talking and spark creative problem-solving. Questions are also a way to demonstrate your interest in the other party that makes them want to work with you.

#4 Embrace Silence

If information is power, then don’t give it all away. Nervous energy can make people start talking, which is dangerous in negotiation. Learn to get comfortable with silence. Let the other party fill the silence—and hand you the power. If you feel awkward, break the silence with questions instead of revealing more information than you intended.

#5 MESO: Multiple Equivalent Simultaneous Offers

Lay out options that are all of equal value to you as a collaborative way to negotiate while staying in charge. Let them give you feedback about them--which is valuable information. It’s a cooperative method that allows you to anchor the options that will suit you best but makes them feel in control, boosting their ego. I use this when I want to get kids to eat vegetables: “Would you like the cauliflower, broccoli, or cabbage? What do you like about broccoli?”

#6 Be the Mirror

We’re often given misleading advice to mirror the other party’s actions and words. So, if they raise their voice, should you do the same? Instead of mirroring, BE the mirror you want THEM to reflect. Stay calm, slow down your breathing and voice, and they’ll start to calm down as well. Choose the example you want them to follow— shouting at someone to “Calm Down!” isn’t nearly as effective. Reflect what the moment requires to get productive instead of getting caught up in mimicking the other party.

#7 Be Prepared

Do your homework. Research everything about the people, the precedent, the process, and the consequences of not getting a deal. Prepare your dialogue and proposals to avoid stress-induced mistakes. You don’t want these phrases coming out of your mouth for the first time when you’re most stressed, so practice in advance to get some muscle memory and boost confidence.

#8 Take Notes

Our memories aren’t as good as we think they are so write down any valuable nuggets, proposals, and agreements. This puts you in a powerful position, as the holder of information, to send a summary to the other party. The faster you do it, the better to keep the momentum and motivation going. Write in a way that forces them to respond, ensuring they acknowledge your summary. Phrases like “did I miss anything” or “anything you’d like to add” will subconsciously and consciously force them to feel accountable to their response to you.

#9 Start with ‘Why’

Dig deeper into their motivations and proposals. Finding a common ‘why’ builds that likability as well as trust, leading to cooperative results. For example: “We both want the customer to have a great experience and want to come back.” It’s a cooperative starting point for a much more productive conversation and a foundation to bring it back to if things start to get heated.

#10 Position instead of Threaten

People don’t respond well to threats, which can burn bridges. It’s hardly a collaborative way to make them want to work with you. But stating facts or consequences diplomatically, pointing to a better outcome is a way to plant the subconscious message that their behaviour isn’t working without getting labeled as aggressive. For example: “Rather than force everyone to spend a lot of money on lawyers, what can we do to work together on a solution?”